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You know I could explain the whole week and everything, but it doesn't matter. I just need to know there are good days too. I tried to read "success" stories and it didn't help. I tried to remember he's with me for a reason. It doesn't matter. It's simply not what I signed up for and I'm pissed. I want that doctor to pay. Not because I want money but I want him to pay for what he's done to us. To me. To my son. I'm just angry and upset and I want this to all be not true. I know a lot of my posts are like this lately but this week was exceptional and we've been in the hospital and he regressed in his motion and I'm getting hosed at work and I just haven't been able to post much except this. Somebody just tell me it will be okay and there will be good days.
Kristi & Hunter
(cross posted at the "other" places too... sorry... I just need someone's support right now)
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7 comments:
Ahh! I am sorry you are having a bad week. It is ok to be angry, mad, sad, etc. Allow yourself to feel and express those emotions. I have some great weeks and I feel like, ok, maybe I am starting to accept this, but the next week turns to crap and all of those angry feelings come back again. I think as time goes on the time between the good feelings and the bad feelings will become longer and longer.
He's doing great things! You're a great mom! Things will get better, it may take some time. Until then, continue to come here and vent. I love to be able to blog and say whatever the heck I want to and then move on. What I try to do is turn all my anger, saddness, etc. into something positive (like spending extra time doing therapy with Mia) because I do know that being down in the dumps has no positive impact on Mia's development or well being. It is often times easier to say that than for me to actually do it. Just keep working with him. From your post, it sounds like he had a small set back, but he's still little he has a long ways to go before reaching his full potential. He will do more great things. I am sending you hugs and good vibes! Hang in there!
It will all be okay~these days just come up. Sometimes you are able to swim through the waves; and other times you get knocked around by them. I totally agree with Tara~that when you're feeling negative turn it around into something positive with working with your son. Don't give up! :-D Sending you sum hugs!
You're both right, that's exactly what I need to do. I just need some good days too sometimes. He does need some extra therapy and that's exactly what we'll do. I do wish I didn't have all this anger and resentment though. It's totally unproductive and I really want to let it go. I know it will take time. I'll just try to be as productive as possible about it all. Thank you :)
You know, I have been at this 4 years with Emma, and I still have days where I feel just like you do. Because I have those same exact thoughts about what happpened to Emma at birth, I know exactly how you feel and I know that I really can't say anything to help that anger. It bites!! I want you to know that this is really normal, and that it so important to be able to talk it out and share that anger. I know that I feel better when I can just that I am mad to someone.
I do want to tell you that it will get better, and you will be okay. Hunter is beautiful, and he will get better. You are key in that healing and rehabilitation too.
I promise, in time, when you see what is able to accomplish, you will be able to see some beauty in just the journey--if that makes any sense.
See, I got mad too, and I got mad when they (doctors) told me that Emma would never be anything and that she would just be a burden and that she would never do this, that or the other. So, I set out to prove them wrong. I feel like Emma and I have something to prove that every life counts and that a life doesn't have to be perfect to be great. Now, I bust my butt and work hard with her and do it with fun. Now, she is doing amazing things--things no one ever thought she would do. So, I guess what I am saying is that I agree with the others too about turning the anger into something productive. It really works.
I know I probably sound like a dork or something.
But, you will be okay--I promise!!!
Hugs and chin up!!
Kristi,
I'm sorry you've had to deal with a lot lately, especially the hospital visit. Somedays it DOES feel like it's all just piling up! Been there MANY a day myself, girl! It seems like when it rains, it pours.... I am sending positive vibes and saying a prayer for strength for you... I will keep beautiful Hunter in my prayer as well....
Ellen :)
Hey hun~ It's totally ok and normally to come out and say things suck. And, I have to agree with you. I was telling Trina last night that it seems that our kids can't just have CP, it seems like they come with 10 other dx's as well, just for the h3ll of it. Not sure who thought that one up! Sunny days do come. Those days when you look into their eyes and they shine so brightly b/c they've accomplished something so big that they have worked on so hard for the last 3 years. As an example, we've been working SUPER hard with Logen to get him to jump with 2 feet off the ground, and now- he just jumps all over and smiles and claps for himself. How can you not smile about that? I can be sitting in tears and he do that in front of me and I smile b/c I know how happy it makes him to beable to do it. It's things like that that so many parents take for granted, that parents of kids like ours cherish & don't ever forget. It's hard, nothing prepares you for that. I have bad days, everybody does. And, I am not sure we can say anything to make them go away. But, we can be beside you telling you that we understand (b/c we do, we are right there with you, going through it to), we are here for you, b/c someday- and maybe tomorrow or even this afternoon- we will need your support to.
Hang In There. This to shall pass. Brighter days will come, I know- I promise. :) Hugs girl!
Thank you again :) Even the therapist today was like, wow, he did regress. Really? Ya think? I just told you that!! We will get back to where we were before this illness happened, I just need to refocus. Thank you for reminding me to look for the little things. Things I wouldn't have even noticed with my DD are such a big deal with Hunter!! I think my nerves are starting for the appointment next week too when we go forward with our first surgeries and/or procedures. Everyone is healthy again and we'll get moving in the right direction.
On a separate note, I apologize I won't be on as much. Work blocked all blogspot accounts again :( I have insomnia tonight (go figure) so I thought I'd drop a few lines :) Thank you all for your support, I can't tell you what it means to me in a time I need it most. Things will get better, they have to. I just have to be told outright sometimes ;-) I'll talk to you soon :)
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