{I'm Duel Posting Here & On My Blog}
I wanted to blog this the day it happened, but I couldn't. I can't let it sink in b/c then it might be real. The truth is, I know it's real, but that doesn't make it suck any less. Here's what happened.
Logen & I walk into preschool, happily. He wonders off to play in the kitchen center. I sign him in and walk over to kiss him good bye.
Little girl, age 4 or 5: He's weird
Me: What did you say?
Girl: I said, he's weird
Me: Why do you say that? (My heart is beginning to sink)
Girl: Because, he walks funny and he dribbles {meaning: he drools, CONSTANTLY}
Me: Well, everybody is different
Girl: Yeah, but why is he so weird?
Me: {Oh, God, please carry me out of here without crying. I can't do this! I can't. She's just 5, she doesn't know it hurts me. She doesn't understand}
Me: Well, Thats the way God made him and it's ok that he's like that, he's special. Just like you are special. Everybody here is special.
Girl: Oh, he gets everything wet
Me: Turn and walk away with tears in my eyes. Stare at teacher, not sure if she heard me. This child is not in his class, so she's not been told the "I'm special" story. It's ok. We can do this. Really, we can. It's going to be fine.
And, I think. He's 4 and a half. He goes to kindergarten in 2009. What do I do. If kids are already starting to notice the difference and point them out now, how do I handle them then? Will they shun him? OH, I just don't think we can do this. And, Logen- Logen can't explain to me how this makes him feel. It hurts me more every time I think about. A 5 year old hurt me this bad. How do I deal?????????
~*~*~*~ Jessica ~*~*~*~
Monday, July 21, 2008
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5 comments:
Awww, Jess! Huge hugs to you! We sure do deal with alot of painful comments don't we? From toddlers all the way up to adults. And not one is easier than another. I, too, wonder what our kiddos think and wish they could tell us. Sigh!
Oh man, Jess. A part of me says, "I can't imagine being there, listening to that." BUT, then I realize that it's only a matter of time till I AM there, till I AM hearing it. And, like you, I won't know what to say or how to deal.
I have no answers. I have no idea how any of us are supposed to deal with this journey. I have no idea how we're supposed to let the our kids go to school, where they may be exposed to cruel peers. I just keep telling myself that Ellie is three. She'll never be four or five. She's always gonna stay three.
I guess the only thing that gives me SMALL comfort is thinking back to my elementary school days. For several years, I was the only kid in my class with glasses. I had to deal with nasty comments, and sometimes they hurt my feelings. For the most part, though, I spit in the face (figuratively...and sometimes literally, ha!) of these kids and surrounded myself with friends who didn't care if my glasses made me different. I know that our kids' issues can't even be compared to glasses, but I still think that there MUST be good kids out there. I pray EVERY DAY that Ellie (and Logen, and all the other amazing kids from this blog) will find her core group of amazing friends and use them as a protective shield around her.
I know that the kids in Logen's class will see him differently than this girl did, because they KNOW him and are learning to love him. Perhaps there is a special BFF in his preschool class RIGHT NOW, who will be a shield for sweet Logen. I pray for that, Jess.
Sending hugs your way, babe!
Jess,
Hugs... this topic hurts too much personally for me to comment on..all I'll say is I am praying for strength for you and you are not alone...
Ellen
Jess,
Do you know that this type of stuff literally keeps me up at night?? I want to send Josh to school with a "bodyguard" to help shield him from all forms of cruelty.
I don't know what to say, sweetie, except, hang in there. We all are or will deal with this in some way or another & that just plain SUCKS!!!
Give Logen & (& Parker) & BIG hug for me....& you too!!! :)
Oh this breaks my heart. On the one hand you know a 5 year old isn't saying it with malicious intent but on the other, more prevalent hand, she speaks what she thinks and that cuts like a knife. I would have broken down and cried. I wish I knew what to say but that I'm sorry. He IS special, not because of his disability but because he just IS downright special. That girl just doesn't understand it yet. Brush her off and know that he is a strong kid and he knows that he's great too, you've taught him that. I bet you it doesn't even phase it. Remember when we were young, we wanted to be noticed and different. I bet it doesn't phase him at all right now ;-) Just keep on loving him and getting the love in return. She'll understand someday :) Big hugs to you though, I would have had the exact same feelings you did.
Kristi
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